Learn #15: Get Clear on Your Fears

~ Day 5 ~
~ Thursday, December 18th, 2014 ~
Get Clear on Your Fears
Set aside a certain number of days, during which you should be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself all the while: ‘Is this the condition that I feared?’
– Lucius Seneca

Daily action:
Define your worst-case scenario fears of what could happen if you took action to change the aspects of your life that you listed yesterday. Once you’ve described your fears, in detail and in writing, consider how painful they actually would be. On the off-chance that these worst possible outcomes actually did come to fruition, what steps would you take to rebuild?
– Matt Frazier

Completed my anchor habit for 8 minutes. Did seated poses from Om Yoga. Balancing in squat with my heels down is stil hard. I was in a hurry this morning so I kind-of hurried through my last few poses after my 5 minute alarm went off. At least I did it!

Fear of failure:
If Remy and I save up the money for me to get my yoga teacher training, go to yoga therapy school, or if I want to open a yoga studio and meditation center, there is the chance that I could fail. What if it’s too hard to build a clientele and I’m too impatient? What if there isn’t enough interest in yoga to sustain another yoga studio in Minneapolis? What if people don’t like my teaching style? What is my teaching style? How will I get people to respect me as a business owner and manager? What if I don’t do a good job running a business due to lack of knowledge/experience or simply laziness?

What if I save up all that money and start something, and it does completely fail? What if I lose whatever I’ve built and push us further into debt? Do I think my partner would support me if I failed like this? What if we couldn’t afford our rent, got evicted, and had to move in with friends or family?

I think I can handle waiting and working to build clientele. I may be frustrated, and have to work hard not to overwhelm my partner with my worries, but I know I could get through it. I may take it personally if new clients don’t come back, or if my friends or family refuse to support my business. This may be painful, but if I am frustrated it will be because I’m excited about my new business and even more excited to share it with people. And I’m a pretty creative person, so if things weren’t great I’m sure I could use my ingenuity to figure something out.

I should do some research to discover more about the market in Minneapolis: where are studios located, what do they charge, and how do they work? Is bet there is room for one more! Especially in an area where there are no studios. I want to serve community rather than make huge profits. I trust in myself and have confidence in the fact that I am likeable enough to gain a regular following. I worry about being a small woman and trying to be taken seriously. There are two choices for people like me I think: try to change myself to present a more “mature, powerful” image, or pursue my dreams as myself and work for acceptance and respect as such. I don’t think I’m willing to conform and present a more acceptable image, so my route may be longer but I’ll get there.

I think for the first few years my excitement and energy will keep me working hard to succeed. If I lose my commitment to my business it’ll be because I’m disappointed in how it’s performing. If I don’t have as many customers as I want, or I’m unhappy about something, I am slightly worried I might mentally adjust my commitments without actively making a plan. I saw the owner of the Coffee Hag do just that – she let her business slide until it was no longer profitable and she didn’t even seem to care. Being your own boss means having discipline and knowing when to call it quits if it comes to that.

If I do ultimately fail to build something I’m proud of, and my whole life falls apart, I guess I would feel ashamed and guilty. If I let Remy support me financially and emotionally along the way and then I fail I would feel responsible for not only “ruining” my life by his as well. But when I think about it, Remy isn’t nearly as stressed out about money and debt as I am, and I think he would support me no matter what. We would rebuild. We have friends and family that we could live with in the short term, and I have lots of other work experience. I could go back to teaching or tutoring, fundraising, or GLBT work. And I think if I can trust in those good possibilities, I don’t have to be so afraid. 🙂

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